oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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