I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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