Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
