Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
