he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
