i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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