Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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