You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
