We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
