But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
