kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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