Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
someone owes me an orgasm
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
