I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
