What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize