So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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