the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sext me about skeletons
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