My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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