How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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