Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
