She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
