My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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