I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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