I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
