I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
