just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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