Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
