Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize