yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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