I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
