I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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