I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize