i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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