It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
