i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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