I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
