It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
