My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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