I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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