90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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