just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
