Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize