tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
