This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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