That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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