There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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