Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
