The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am mentally ready for anal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
