we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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