Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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