girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
