My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
