Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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