I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Boobs speak an international language.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
