Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
