She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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