Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize