I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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