this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
