why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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