the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
