I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
